Veggie Burger Recipe - Veggie Burger Recipes

I really hope you will conclude that a trip together for me to get my certainty and closure with you is the right thing to do. Please know that I only want you to be happy and would seek to have a truly great, fun, and happy trip making these final memories with you. I don't want to cry or be serious in our last days if your heart has decided we are done. Know that I would treasure this trip for the rest of my life.

As for the hugest mistake...I know in my heart that I will always love you, always want to be with you, and always miss you. I have already realized that I have made too many mistakes that I will regret and I'm starting to accept that if you feel you need me out of your life to become a better person, then I will be forced to let you go.

I will always have doubts that I gave up too soon on you because my love for you is so strong. And it will always hurt more to remember that once I had finally decided that having a family with you would fulfill me, that you were no longer interested in that for us. And that will haunt me forever...and be my punishment.

And there are so many things I love about you too...I could write a novel...but I know you don't want to hear them anymore. And my broken heart continues to bleed with every memory of us and every little thing that makes me think of you.

And I realize your mind isn't changing all of the sudden, but mine never has. I will always hope that one day you will tell me that you realized you made the biggest mistake of your life in divorcing me - Not because I want you to suffer in any way...but because I still feel so certain that our hearts are meant for each other and that I will always feel a great emptiness without you to share everything with... because in my heart, you will always be my beautiful wife, the love of my life, and the soul that made me feel alive.

It really hurts me that you question whether I would change my mind about any kind of commitment to a family. I have been processing these thoughts over four months now, and I need you to know that I don't believe taking 4 months under these conditions to change someone's mind on such a massive decision is a long time. That said, when I write, I am usually in my least emotional state...I would not write the things that I told you on the phone last Friday in an angered state.

I am trying to be honest and true for both of us too - it just feels to me lately that you have given up on the possibility that I could change my mind during this separation. For some time now, I have been considering with great measure how I would feel without you in my life. Also, how life could be with your love and a non-traditional family. I am in constant thought about us, and in my mind, there is still much hope.

So yea, it has been a hurtful time in our marriage for both of us in different ways. But I am hurt that you question that it is possible I would make statements about family possibilities from beyond a state of reason at this point. After all, sometimes clarity takes time... and I know you know this.

I have only had a relatively short time to seriously consider all the possibilities that my life directions could take from this place in time. And maybe I should deserve that time B/C once you had left, things got so much more complicated. So many added factors. But the factors that have not waivered are that you are my wife, and that I love you more than you may have felt in our short meetings since we became separated (except DMB which thinking about brings me to tears right now.) We have not been spending a lot of significant time together I feel and maybe you have grown distrusting of me to some extent..I don't know.

For me, my love is so strong for you that I feel like telling you that I may wait till the end of time for you to realize that we are meant to be. It is OK to me that you are having serious doubts. I will be patient and I will follow my heart...and not give up on yours.

And I am being sincere too - and throughout all of this have tried so hard to be so in all of my words (especially written as i told you previously I will read these letters till the day I die whether we make it through this or not.)

So you feel like you want to explore life on your own. I can accept that you are feeling that way. But I must follow my heart as well through all this pain. Your words do hurt badly to refer to if it matters or not if I decided I wanted any type of family with you now. A lot because I have not stopped considering that as an option for us.

I know I will "be fine" with or without you, but I know of the emptiness I feel each night you are away. I know I will survive but i do not know how much of my heart may die. I will tell you that I know there will be an gaping emptiness in my heart as long as we are apart. I have had an ample taste of that in the last 4 months. And my heart aches for you. And that is why I can tell you that I will continue to love and express my love for you. And maybe that is why it is hard to imagine you in a different life without me - because i can't imagine having to hold back my love for you and be just friends. And maybe there is just much more pain I will still have to endure...

It is cool that you forwarded Arlo's post today (Sagan's perspective on the universe) because when I saw it earlier in the day it made me think deeply about how unique, how outrageous, and how mystical this planet and our existence really is. It made me remember that there really is much more to this world and the energy we are all mixed into than we as feeble humans can completely conceive. And it made me realize how special it is to be conscious of the fact that we are all a part of a greater meaning. And I know so many different interpretations could come from this art depending on ...perspective.

But it made me think of one more thing - how lucky I was to have you as my wife. In this whole universe, that we were brought together in this lifetime, that I would know my true love, and even have the amount of love you have filled into my heart. That I was so damn lucky to have been yours.

It is so hard for me to consider coping while you are on your own seeking a different path that does not include me. I have actually stopped thinking about it as much as possible. One thing I will share with you is that it makes me feel and sleep so much better to focus my thoughts on loving you and knowing that someday you will want to be mine again. And so I do.

I am sorry I cannot give you what you wish...that are hearts felt the same right now. And I know it may cost me many tears and lonely nights in the future, but I quite simply cannot give up on your heart.

June 18th, 2011 Re: I'm not ur kung fu panda

Tricia,

I am glad you like "Holding On." I will likely look forward to hearing more about your feelings about these songs I gave to you.

Romance and laughter...yes I want to seek them too. I know we have not been happy with our recent lives together...but I also know how truly great our future could be moving forward.

I know you may not have realized how strong my love for you both was and is. And romance/affection I assure you would never miss in the future if you decide that your heart is mine again. As for the social activities you mentioned, I will expand a bit.

Veggie meet-ups: I have viewed these as an opportunity for you to socialize with others who share your vegan perspective. I respect it but I am not a vegetarian. I will always be proud to claim myself as 50% or more veg, and maybe a higher percentage in the future, but I am not currently not vegetarian and don't think that I was expected to be a part of this group of people.

Shopping at the market: I will go to the market every Saturday that it happens. I very much would look forward to shopping for our food together all the time if we are meant to go forward together. I would like that a lot actually.

Going out with your friends: Most definitely - one thing I have realized is that we should both know some of each others friends better. And I will always see opportunity now when you wanted to go out drinking with me and some of your friends.

Relay volunteer stuff: I have done this once or twice with you. I didn't find it fulfilling but would likely take more opportunities to be with you on these endeavors.

Hanging out while dinner is prepared: Yea I have done that before of course -maybe our current kitchen is not great for that. We could change it. And our next kitchen would be much different than this one - haha for sure.

Exercising: OMG I would love to work out with you. One of the things I have really begun doing myself while you are away. To do it together I feel would be awesome. Although I do feel it would be better for both of us to consider doing that after our work day. I personally require more energy for my physical days right now, and would prefer to expend my unspent energy after work. Maybe we could expend energy together another way on many mornings? I'd be so down with that ;)

Visiting family on weekends: I have been a bit insufficient in this area perhaps. It could be worked on. If I had no other weekend obligations, I would go with you anywhere you wanted. i love the family too.

I want us to enjoy each others lives too, and we will hopefully have the opportunity to work on these things. I want my best friend to understand me, care about my feelings, and accept/explore her individuality. And I do want to be open to all possibilities, but we are different people at the same time. You will not play poker tournaments with me and I would never expect ya too. But we could discuss anything you feel that you need me to be more involved in concerning your more individual interests. I assure you though I won't ask you to start playing poker, or dropping beats with me. We can surely be individuals and still find love for each other i feel - and never had I thought otherwise actually.

And I know we are both sorry it took this to happen before we realized that we haven't been communicating with each other about neglected feelings concerning ANY aspect of our marriage. If there is one thing to be realized I feel, it is that we are such good communicators, that we shouldn't let ourselves stop talking and writing about the things we are feeling, wanting to do and experience, and being open and honest about our feelings/desires/issues for/with each other.

Yes - shutting down is not a good way to tackle any problem. But we all make mistakes, and I am no perfect person either. Marriage takes work sometimes, and I feel we are capable of getting through the bad times to get to the real good ones.

I accept your apology concerning poor communication. It is not all your fault in my mind. I know and have expressed that. We are both pretty smart cookies though and I am sure that communication would be massively increased on both ends if we would continue. So yea, no need to apologize actually. **Not to be forgotten ever: Love and the pursuit of true happiness...

It really excites me that you say you love to hear my plans for musical endeavors. It is my true passion i have come to realize. And background music...yep.

And Felicia, yea if she was your morale compass, we would have no chance i assure you. I would never seek anything about her as my wife. Except maybe her sex drive lol. I don't really fear her Tricia... I just don't respect her. I know she lives her own life, and although you can say she does not influence your decisions, I can't help but believe she has provided at least a poor example for someone of good nature seeking fulfillment in life. Maybe I will come to know her differently in the future. Maybe she would prove me wrong. We will have to see I guess. Everyone deserves a second chance right? I could give that to her i think.

And sorry to worry you...I am not a happy camper right now though. The time you should have been worried most is when I was at the depths of despair four weeks ago. It is funny that you hate not knowing what is going on in my head. Welcome to the last 41 days and nights of my life.

And yes I really do want to have a Tricia prepared meal on Sunday still. If you are cooking then I will be there. You let me know if it is on and what time you want me there.

And Tricia...sincere is all I know anymore.

Love,

Jon

Tricia,

I want you to know that while I have been deeply hurt by you moving out onto your own for a while, that I am beginning to come to terms with the perspective you are trying to gain. Don’t get me wrong- I think of nothing but you day and night, and I don’t see that changing for me in the foreseeable future. But I love you so much that I will be patient with you during this time…It is so hard to give you space but I know I need to, so you can get what you need out of this time alone…

When I told you I was lonely and you responded that you are lonely too, I feel like we should still be trying to spend more time together. Just know that I want you to feel completely comfortable coming here to visit me as well…it hurts a bit that you haven’t been by. I miss you immensely and now cherish every moment I will get to be the focus of your time. I will be patient for your soul to decide what it needs from the future…although mine is telling me differently. I would like to share what I am feeling deep down tonight.

I am feeling like I want you to be happy with our lives together no matter what it takes. I know I told you before after several weeks of thought last year that I would change everything about our lives in order for our souls to stay committed to each other. With one exception of course- kids. I know I thought you would come to a conclusion about this, but I obviously never prepared for the answer you gave me last month. I know that you know it has devastated me and believe me when I say I know it has been extremely difficult for you too. I feel your pain on top of mine.

I feel inclined to tell you that it made me happy when you seemed to realize for a moment at Brian and Aleacia’s wedding that you would be the best wedding DJ. As I have realized that my second great love is music and will pursue this passion both while you take your time away and into the future, and I feel like we could help each other fulfill those possibilities so easily together, and that it wouldn’t compromise having a family either. I really mean it when I tell you that we will be OK if you decide to leave Country someday, even if sooner than later.

I personally think that if we did adopt, I would want you to be home very often for them, not leaving our child in daycare most days. I know you could help with my business some and we wouldn’t have to compromise our income or insurance to be comfortable. I have know that since the first time you told me you felt “stuck” at Country. I know you remember ‘the claims Sunday blues’ and how I couldn’t stand to see you brought to tears by having to start another work week. You were sacrificing for us though at that time and up to this point and I fully realize it. I will always be grateful that you have provided so well for us up to this point! You should know that I feel like I have done a good job at managing our finances and preparing for retirement, and that I will not become irresponsible with our finances of course, but that it will not be my focus in life going forward. What you have is a man who will so willingly consider your every need in the future and is yearning to fill your every desire- no matter the cost. Money is not what our lives will be about- just the fulfillment of happiness and the drive towards each others goals.

If you decide that having a family is your ultimate desire, I will talk out all my issues with Bill and with you, and become completely comfortable with adopting. As I have stated, my fears have guided my emotions towards children for a long time, and I know I would be a great dad (So many people have told me this!)

I will always regret treating you badly when you wanted to talk seriously about this in the past- and I know that is a large part of why I am paying this price now…maybe needless to say, but I am truly so very sorry for those times.

Tricia, I will promise to be a better man for you in everyway if you decide to come back and continue our lives together. If you come back to me after you take your time, a day will not pass where my soul will not pursue to carry you higher and fill you with joy and true happiness. I want to be the man to help your life be a great as it can possibly be. As I wrote you before, if one day you could tell me that you are the happiest woman in the world, that I would truly be the happiest man.

I also want you to know I don’t believe I would be sacrificing anything in my own desires to accomplish this. I know music will be a big part of my future whether we are together or apart, and I am feeling like when Amoeba Andy told me at Medici that “I want it all Jon!” I believe now that we CAN have it all.

I feel like it is very possible we have both been at least semi-depressed for some time now- maybe because neither of us were really pursuing our passions- you thinking of not ever experiencing the true joys of a family together, and music production missing from my life. Somehow I feel that we just became too comfortable with us and forgot to consider what life is really about; love and pursuing true happiness.

It is not an uncommon problem in many marriages and I know Bill will provide more perspective on this, but I feel like I already know that a metamorphosis has happened inside me through all of this. I feel like my soul has been awakened and I am seeing the preciousness of life and how you must live for the day. When I told you that I no longer care about retirement, I am sure you know I don’t completely mean that, but in the sense that I will live for today and let tomorrow come. While I have been awakened, I know you are in a different place right now and just know that I will be waiting patiently for you to be awakened as well.

I know we can conquer ANY challenge that life will bring to us if we handle it together and will never give up on that belief. But I must remember my heart and be true to you when I tell you that I will never give up on that dream for us. I will always want to protect you and live for you.

On that note, I am already making changes for myself- I will focus on my health as soon as my anxiety lets me. And if you do come back to me I will put smoking to rest for good- using the strength of my commitment to you and a family to do it. I know you told me “easier said than done” but believe me when I say that I know it will be the first thing that happens if you come home, and I will never look back. Of course it will help to realize now that I don’t want my snoring to ever keep me from snuggling you in bed anymore, and that I won’t forget that those white stockings are still on the line ;)

Tricia, you are my beautiful soul, the love of my life, and the source of all my passion. The words I am writing you will be read by me till the day I die whether we make it through this or not. The only thing for certain is that I cannot live with the remorse I would feel if I didn’t give my all to you to help you see that we could be so happy together if you decide you will take one more leap of faith and pursue a new level of true happiness with me. That is a regret I cannot live with so I will continue to write you my feelings and hope that you never see them as just words on the screen. This is my soul speaking to yours but I don’t need you to respond to everything I write- just know that every word is directly from the heart and I will be waiting patiently for you, my beautiful wife.

With great love,

Jon

When I came home after winning the tournament last night, it felt just awful not having you here to be able to share it with. I feel like I miss everything about you every day that you are gone. Just not hearing about your day at work and telling you about mine is something that I am really struggling with. In fact, at around 5pm on any given weekday you can know I am hurting. I want you to know that I feel really stupid for not greeting you with a big hug and kiss regularly after work to show you how grateful I was for every day you came home to me.

When you told me that I wouldn't always feel this passion for you, it caused an inflection in me...I didn't know if you were right or wrong at that moment. My heart is pushing me in two opposite directions and it is simply not meant to stretch that way. I love you immensely and want you to be safe and happy but I am stuck giving you your space right now. It is terrible because I want to put my arms around you, hold your hand, and show you how much I still care about you.

The card I selected for Brian and Alecia found me tearing up when I read it. One of the secrets to a beautiful marriage: If you can give each other room to grow and change and learn, yet still hold one another close in mutual concern. I feel we have done that so well together and it hurts when you say that we don't have many common interests anymore because that is not true. We have so many and the few things that you are interested in that I have not shown great interest in has never meant that I wasn't interested in you. I feel that I have been watching you grow and change and that I have been changing with you. Maybe not near as fast, or with the same level of passion, but I am changing with you and will continue to if you come back to me.

Something is starting to become more black and white for me. I am now facing the stark reality of the situation my heart is dealing with. I feel that I will literally have to somehow untrain my heart to stop loving you. I am at war with myself on when to start that process if it is even possible. In a big way I need counseling with us to do something about this problem I have- not knowing which path I need to take- but I know my heart will be broken to pieces if you decide we will no longer be partners in this life. The hope I have for counseling to get us through this is the only thing that is still holding it together.

I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for failing to show you how deeply I love you. I regret severely the complacency we had been in for some time and would give anything for more time to help you see what our future could be like together. I feel like this is my fault and cannot accept that the flame in your heart for me cannot be rekindled. My passion for you is still so very strong and I know that if you let me back into your heart, I will prove to you that my love for you will only continue to grow.

The other night you said you were not sure anyone would love you as much as I do. While I cannot know this for certain, I do know that my love for you is stronger than I will be able to give any other woman that could enter my life. I now know that I am truly the fool of fools for not completely realizing this until you left. I will wish for the rest of my life for another chance with you.

My heartache continues for now but I will try and be patient for you. Your love means the world to me and I will continue to fight for us. I am looking forward to our meeting with Bill and am filled with hope that he can help us through this to continue this life journey together as one again.

I love you with all my heart,

Jon

May 7, 2011 - Us

Tricia,

It is impossible for me to imagine my life without you as my partner. I will not plan for a life without you as my wife because it is not an option for me. My love for you is too deep to be shuttered by your currently wandering commitment and feelings. I am not sure you truly understand the severity of darkness that losing you represents for me- everything that I do relates back to us and our bond. I married you for life and have accepted that we would both change throughout our lives. I was asked recently how much I would be willing to change for you and I have been thinking about that a lot. I want to do whatever I have to do to make you love me, regain our passion, and show you that my commitment to you is solid. I am not sure that adopting a child is our path, but I cannot say that it is not. To say the least, I am thinking about this a lot.

I told you today that I will not accept divorce as an option for us and I cannot apologize for not wanting to lose my wife. We were not brought together for a designated period of time…I chose you as my wife and I will never let go. My mind will not waiver on this no matter how dark this period of time will get for me.

I am still in shock about how fast you moved out and dealing with emotions I have never known before. I feel a great shame inside me that you were able to pack and go so quickly. I cannot begin to describe the pain that this has caused me- but it has not killed me- I will fight through it.

I want to be the man you love and I want to work toward this immensely. I want you to be happy and I want to work on us. I accept that you need time away to sort out feelings but hope with every fiber of my being that the universe will bring us back together to work on building the marriage you desire.

Although my heart is in prison right now, I will be focused on whatever it will take to get you back home.

Love,

Jon